Diary Of The Demented

7.30 am

I get woken up by two staff. Very smart in their uniforms. I try to pull the covers over my head. It is very bright, the paper thin curtains don’t block the light. One of the staff gently prises the covers from my grip, the other pulls the curtains round the bed. Looking around the bay I can see three other patients still asleep. I shout loudly.

I am stripped naked and placed on a commode next to the bed. One of the staff stands in front of me to prevent me from standing up. The other starts stripping the bed. They chat about Eastenders. Just when they are about to drag me off the commode I start to do the toilet.

Given an all over body wash from a luke warm basin of water with skin dissolving soap. One of the staff holds my wrists when I try to punch the other in the ear. Much shouting. The staff talk to me and tell me what they are doing and why they are doing it. Efficiently they reuse the commode as a seat when washing me.

Eventually they dress me. Guide me to the hallway to let me walk up and down the ward. I try the doors at both ends. Locked as always. I try the office door, locked. I go back to try the exits again.

Other staff cheerily say ‘Good Morning’ and tell me how smart I look in my ancient shirt, faded tracksuit bottoms and cheap deodorant.

8.30 am

Breakfast time. Same as yesterday. Also the day before that. Grey gloop. Sometimes we get bitty light brown gloop. One member of staff spoons it into my mouth as I have no idea what to do with cutlery. I like to secrete cutlery about my person.

In turn I try to knock the bowl over, stand up and shout a bit. Then repeat.

Breakfast finished I watch the others. Some sit at the table, some get fed by staff. Some are probably getting fed in their beds. We are missing a couple of faces, it must be time for their weekly baths.

I go back to the corridor. The exits are still locked. So is the office.

Staff tell me how smart I look in my breakfast covered ancient shirt, faded tracksuit bottoms and cheap deodorant.

A group of staff are in the kitchen. They are making comment about how often another member of staff is off sick and how suspicious it is that she was seen at the pub last night.

10.00 am

I am given a cup of cold tea. By the hold it up to my lips and tilt until I drink it method.

10.30 am

Have spent the last couple of hours wandering. Have been incontinent. Thankfully just urine, otherwise it would be a longer trip to the bathroom. Still no joy with the exits or the office door.

The staff look quite frazzled. I think they had one of the difficult people to bathe this morning. There was certainly a lot of screaming. I joined in with a bit of shouting.

Two staff approach me. One gently places her hand in the small of my back and guides me to the small bathroom. I can hear shouting from the other bathroom and a little screaming.

In the bathroom one gently holds my wrists again. Based on previous experience there is a fair chance I will try and box someone’s ears. The other professionally sees to my personal hygiene. She is humming a Queen song to herself under her breath. I join by shouting a bit.

Mercifully briefly I am released from the foul smelling room. The two staff de-apron and de-glove and start a round of the bays for those still in bed. Later they will fill in all their work in the bowel book.

I try the exits and the office. Still no joy.

Some staff go off the ward for their breaks. Despite standing at the door I don’t make it out.

12.30 pm

Lunch time. I am fed something which is described as stew. It is brown with lumps. At least this time the kitchens have not accidentally puréed the entire ward’s food supply. I have a yellow pudding. Then it is all washed down with a plastic beaker of cheap diluting orange juice. Again the hold and tilt method. By some timely blowing and shouting I manage to cover my shirt and the face of one of the staff with the foul muck. I follow this up with some shouting. I wave an arm around too. No more juice.

One of the other patients has managed to kidney punch a new member of staff who turned round at the wrong moment. He is wheeled back to his bay where he will sit for an hour or so. Till it is decided that he has calmed down.

I go for a wander.

2.30 pm

I have been doubly incontinent. One of the other patients has had a seizure so the staff are distracted. I manage to get in the office. Feeling very uncomfortable I remove my pad and put it in the office bin. My hands end up somewhat stained.

Time to go try the exits again.

One of the staff notices me and my hands. I can see her calculating, it is near the end of her shift - should she just wait and let someone else find me ? No. She decides to bite the bullet and deal with me. Two staff delicately take me to the big bathroom. Gloved and aproned. The quickly discover the missing pad. One goes off and tells the other staff to instigate a pad hunt. She also gets me a new set of clean but elderly clothes.

Hysterical laughter echoing down the ward signals the end of the pad hunt.

Briskly I am given a good clean and change of clothes. Despite being late for the end of their shift they are very pleasant and chat away to me.

I go back to my wandering. Exits still locked. Office too.

I hear a woman wailing somewhere.

4.30 pm

Time for the toilet check again. I am dry. Also I get congratulated on my usage of the office bin. Much smiling. I shout a bit.

5.15 pm

Dinner time. I am told it is minced beef. It looks very much like lunch. Quite tired I don’t make a fuss. The staff chat among themselves. Mostly making comments about the early shift and how they have left everything for the late shift to do. The night staff say the same about the late shift. The early about the night staff.

I see one of the lady patients walking past the glass walls of the lounge, the only common room, she is naked and screaming. Someone goes to deal with her. Evening is coming on, things are about to get interesting.

I have not had a visitor today. Every now and then someone tells me that one of my family has phoned to ask how I am getting on. I can’t remember when I actually saw any of my family. My wife used to visit but she is in a care home now.

I go for the wander. The lounge gets a little bit dangerous when the sun starts going down.

The exits are still locked.

7.15 pm

One of the staff is explaining in the lounge how much easier the job would be if they all had cattle prods or tasers. There is much laughter.

I notice all the visitors have gone.

I seem to be first on the list as I am taken to the bathroom to get checked and changed for bed. I shout quite a lot.

I have pyjamas that expose more than they hide and a gown that looks like it has been infested with moths.

I wander up and down the corridor again. Still no joy with the exits or the office. I notice the lady patient is again having a nudist moment. Also wailing.

All the curtains are closed.

9.15 pm

Night shift have started. They are in a good mood. They make cheese on toast for everyone that has enough teeth for it. Very nice. I shout a bit.

Being tired I sit in the lounge and try to pick things off my dressing gown that no one else can see.

10.00 pm

Bedtime after a quick trip to the bathroom.

One member of staff takes me to my nice clean cool bed. After a quick shout I go to sleep. Easily done with the sleeping tablets I was given previously. Hopefully tomorrow they will give me my as required pain killers, might be a bit less shouting.

Another day over, another day closer to death.

[I removed some of the more depressing bits - Mental]