The NHS at 60

Patients were being urged by the government to go ape shit crazy as the NHS finally went tits up aged sixty this month.

With soaring petrol prices, rising unemployment and the country poised on the brink of an economic abyss the government decided to mark the 60th anniversary of the creation of the NHS by releasing the following emergency statement emphasising the need for the country to completely freak out. The statement issued by the department of health reads:

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! HOLY FUCKING SHIT.”Why are you all just standing there? Oh my God, I see what’s going on here - you’ve all gone mad! All of you! And I’m the only sane one left! Aaaaaaaargh!”

Secretary of State for health Alan Johnson said that panicking should not be restricted to the state of the education system, public transport, knife crime, and terrorism, but that the public should also completely lose it over hospital waiting lists, MRSA and the near impossibility of registering with a GP in some areas.

A spokesperson from the Department of Health said

“Oh, it’s you, thank God for that. I thought it might have been…. no… no…. NOOOOOOO!

He added:

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!”

Health minister Lord Dazi appealed for further chaos when he stole a police horse and rode naked up and down Whitehall shouting

“Them’s a comin’, run for yer lives!”

Meanwhile Peter Carter general secretary of the RCN appeared at conference screaming at the top of his voice and tearing all his clothes off. Using a lipstick he then scrawled ‘BITCH’ across his naked chest.

(Shamelessly plagiarised from the Daily Mash)