Homeless woman mistaken for giant rat by ministers visiting hospital

A top London hospital has been asked “what the fuck” after it was thought that a new species of giant rat had been discovered by government ministers visiting the hospital. What was thought to be a giant rodent was spotted by Health ministers Ben Bradshaw and Lord Dazi during a recent visit to the hospital’s A&E dept.

But the giant rodent turned out to be a Mrs Saeneen O’ Shea who was spotted asleep in the waiting room by the ministers after she had popped in for a cup o tay and a warm by the radiator but had fallen asleep remaining in the dept all night unnoticed by hospital staff who had stepped over her and round her after the modern matron had declared her to be “someone else’s problem”.

Minister Ben Bradshaw said to reporters shortly afterwards:

“I was just about to visit the new scanning department when I saw this huge fucking monster of a rat just sitting there asleep on one of the chairs in the waiting room. So I says to my mate Dazi, I said Oi Dazi look at the size of that fucker, and Dazi was like, Jesus Christ man it’s a fucking monster!!”

“I then shouted over to Dr Lindsay who’s our expert in infectious diseases, and said, Jodi get a look at this bastard out here, and she said, like no way man that’s totally mental”

Dr Jodi Lindsay later added,

“Ben was saying it’s a rat it’s a fucking rat and I was going nah man it’s some kind of beaver or a weird fucked up looking sort of cat, but then the hospital administrator came up and he said it was a mutant otter or something and that it was bigger than his dog. The infection control nurse was saying shouldn’t we like catch it or something, and I said, you fucking catch it.”

Lord Dazi then took up the tale,

“So anyway we tell Ben that’s it’s his turn to do something for a change and he’s like really pissed off but he tears his shirt off anyway and goes after it shouting, come here you dirty big bastard I want you to ride you like the bitch you are”

It was then that the A&E charge nurse said that the “rat” was in fact a Mrs O’Shea a homeless person living in the area.

“She is homeless so we sometimes let her sleep in the waiting room, don’t worry she hasn’t breached or anything every 3 hrs 59 minutes we book her out to radiology or somewhere for a few minutes before bringing her back. She’s been all over the hospital tonight”

(shamelessly plagiarised from the Daily Mash again)