In the interests of research for MN, I asked 100 Staff Nurses* what the worst things some of their students had said were. These were the commonest complaints, in no particular order….
1. “I know we’re supposed to finish at 5 yeah, but what time can I actually go?” Just cheeky, frankly. By asking you ensure you will always leave at 5 on the dot and will never again be given a ‘study day’.
2. “Sooo….this is the controlled drugs store. And is this always locked…?” At best they will consider you naïve. At worst they will believe you are funding your studies through the sale of stolen medication.
3. “Wow, this is boring. Is this all you do all day?” They may love their job and feel insulted by the implication that it’s worthless. Or, they may hate it and resent you for rubbing it in. Either way, annoying the person who is going to be signing you off as competent is not A Good Thing To Do.
4. “Wow, it’s really quiet…” It will kick off immediately afterwards and you will get the blame.
5. “But I always have an hours break at 12” Hah. Welcome to the real world.
6. “Yeah, my last placement was really crap, the manager was a complete bitch”. The manager is very likely to be your new mentor’s mother/daughter/sister/best friend/civil partner. Get your mentor to give you a detailed family tree ASAP (just asking how the family is will usually accomplish this). Helps to avoid inadvertently insulting anyone who may hold your entire future as a nurse in their slightly sadistic grasp.
7. “Well this is all pretty pointless, I mean, I was a HCA for 3 years, I think I know what I’m doing” Just, no. Seriously.
8. “Jim the patient just asked me to let him out, so I did. But it’s ok, I gave him some keys so he can let himself back in again” Particularly relevant on secure units. Showing initiative is great. But maybe not on your first day.
9. “Erm…what’s the ward policy on drug testing staff?” They will assume you are drugged up to the eyeballs every time you turn up looking a bit dodgy. Which you might be. But don’t be obvious**.
10. “Actually, that hold you’re using isn’t an approved MOVA technique anymore” Time and place. The middle of a restraint isn’t it. Your advice won’t be appreciated.
11. “God, why do you want to work here? Don’t all the old people depress you?” Similar to #3, but with extra insult for the client group. Also, one day you might have to do some grovelling when you realise all the ‘cool’ jobs in acute have been taken by people who knew when to keep their mouths shut…
I’m sure there are plenty more…
*Ok, three.
**Or do it at all, of course.
(Two posts in a week…guess who has an essay due…)
You forgot one: –
I need every Saturday and Sunday off because of the children/my husband/being a 7th Day Adventist and I can only work 9-5 the rest of the week. What do you mean, I work the same shifts as the staff?
I’m just trying to thing of any zingers from the various students who I’ve worked with in the year or so since I qualified. In all fairness, most of them have been excellent.
That said, there was one who said,
I wasn’t sure whether to apply for mental health nursing. I mean, you might wind up working with loonies.
I would say it’s possible she was being ironic, but I don’t really think she was bright enough for that.
Ok, lets spice things up a bit – worst faux pas made by ourselves whilst training!
Obviously, I’ll begin…
I was assessing a medium secure patient, due for release, for suitability for an AOT caseload. He was generally pleasant but kept swearing – not a problem.
When talking with staff, the nurse on duty felt necessary to explain that he was lovely and I shouldn’t pay too much notice to the swearing. I tried to acknowledge this by announcing to the whole room that
‘everyone needs a little fuck every now and then’
Seriously. Word for word. The ward clerk actually spat her coffee out. Half the room started laughing and the other half went quiet. And I went bright red.
Yes folks… I’m back! Go tell it on the mountains…
Welcome back EBPhobe. I LOLed at your story. My own misty memories are fading fast but I remember being on my knees in the office, fiddling with a doorstop when a rather handsome SHO came along. I knelt up, and found myself facing his fly zip while asking “Anything I can do for you doctor?”
Well, I laughed anyway.
Hey there EBPhobe, you pulsating sexual conquistador. Welcome back.
I can’t think of any gaffes of my own, but I remember once working with a support worker who told a colleague to control his nosebleed by “putting your head between my legs…I mean YOUR legs!”
Which was all the more amusing because she’d spent the earlier part of the shift moaning about how she couldn’t find a boyfriend.
Oh wait, one from my time in learning disability services before I did my nurse training.
Note left in the unit message book by a female support worker.
“While changing X’s bedding, I noticed there was a white creamy discharge on the sheets. Does anybody know what it is?”
Either…
1) My computer’s clock is horribly wrong
2) This site is still being weird
or
3) I am capable of time travel
My clock says 14:48hrs yet Z made a post at 3.01pm. Huh?
Hello again EBphone, welcome back.
The times on the posts look right to me.
Excellent post CD.
I was told of one student who was asked when he’d like a break whilst doing nightshift who replied “the whole shift’s a break isn’t it?” He wasn’t very popular with the hard working nightshift after that!
I’m trying to think of others……
“Of course, I’m only here as an observer”.