(Guest post by Mind_Doctor)
I am a Psychotherapist working with dual diagnosis clients and I am about to change organisations. I shall be working in the same field and quite likely with some of the same clients, however I will be ending the journey I have taken with them thus far. I found this site looking at others input on saying goodbye to clients.
Most information I have found is based around how difficult the process is for clients and the anxiety they experience when their therapist/mental health worker makes the decision to leave.
It is definately not a one way process. We therapists develop strong bonds with individuals, and although there is little written about the other side, I can confirm it is a difficult process for us too (even if my learned colleagues do not admit to it).
If it were an easy process then I guess I would not be awake at nearly 3am considering how I am going to deal with the emotions of approximately 35 clients and myself.
I have a mixed bundle of emotions going on, I am excited at the prospect of my new role and at the same time feel like I am abandoning those that i have worked with. I feel sad at the prospect of the loss of the bonds we have created, and scared of the judgements of others over my decision to leave.
I have no doubt that every single client has the capacity to continue developing along a healthy path without our relationship, some will choose success and others maybe not.
I have gone through several different processes including being grandiose, dismissive, angry, sad and scared. I have even considered how it would be easier to just leave and not deal with the endings with all of these people. This has been even with the knowledge that in reality I will be dealing with my final few weeks in a healthy way and that this is probably the most important part of the therapy for all clients.
Endings are tough, on my part it is the ending of 35 clients and 20 colleagues all at once, normally we deal with maybe one ore two at any one time and they can be extremely emotional even if it is happening at the “right” time.
I just wanted to finish with this, it is because I care and that these people matter to me. we are in a joint process and I feel it too. I shall miss every one of these relationships and no doubt remember them from time to time.
Thank you for reading my thought process.
Hi M-D
If it were an easy process then I guess I would not be awake at nearly 3am considering how I am going to deal with the emotions of approximately 35 clients and myself.
You’ll deal with the clients the same way you’ve dealt with all their emotions over your time there and all the ‘goodbyes’.
It’s only the dealing with ‘you leaving’ that’s different.
That’s something for your therapist/supervisor to help you through I guess.
As I said in another thread – the therapist is a catalyst in the relationship; tho avoiding change as a person is impossible. But we recognise the personal importance of ‘connections’, just as clients do, and how others help to validate our existence.
– so the therapist will be able to professionally terminate; yet the person will be feeling all those feelings.
Time for a little holding on/letting go self-therapy
IMHO, if you want to make it easier for your patients, either just stop taking on new patients and hope that most of them get better. Or stay with them until they have gotten a new therapist.
This blogger http://themassdefective.blogspot.com/ is currently transitioning between therapists for the very reason your moving on. It probably wont’ make life easier, but you can see what the other side goes through.
I loved reading this post. Thank you for being so honest. I had a hard time saying goodbye to one of my therapists, and one of the things that helped me was when she said she would miss me too. It didn’t make saying goodbye any easier, but it was very nice to know someone cared and was human enough to be able to admit it. I like the fact that therapists have feelings and emotions, I like it when they are sad with me and happy for me, we are all human, we all want that connection. Thank you for ‘your’ (the therapist) side of the story.
Rather than just repeat torah’s sentiment, I will just second it.
I agree with torah and jessa. It’s nice to know that the therapist cares and doesn’t just view you clinically and without any attachment.
I found your post very interesting and heartwarming that you haven’t hardened up with the experience of seeing many clients come and go. 35 sounds like a hell of a lot of clients though.
I’ve had therapists who have been quite clinical and brusque and one or two who have been willing to share their human side with me. The latter always worked better for me. I like to feel I’m talking to someone with emotions and problems like everyone else.
I think you also have to prepare yourself for the clients that aren’t bothered by you leaving as well as the ones that are.
When my therapist left, he made quite a fuss over the handover to someone else for several sessions beforehand. I really didn’t give a toss about his leaving and resented him using up so much time going on about it. I took the view that he was a paid professional, not a friend.