I will be working as a staff nurse on an acute inpatient ward later this month. I was reading a post about job adverts earlier and spotted this as my new job description:
Acute Inpatient
Our trust is currently recruiting for a Band 5 RMN who’s decided they don’t like talking to patients after all, and would rather just be an office monkey. Key skills include doing cool trick shots off the ward pool table, rolling a ciggie while simultaneously talking on the phone to the consultant, and the ability to say “I’ll be with you in a minute” without making it sound too much like a bare-faced lie. Our recent adoption of the Care Programme Approach will provide you with vast reams of paperwork to fill out, thus sparing you the horror of ever having to interact with filthy unwashed patients.



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